love is A LOT harder than crime

tonight i was taking adrianna to a private screening of the new movie, kung fu hustle. well, apparently i am a doofus. the screening was at the delancey street screening room ON the embarcadero and i thought it was AT the embarcadero center. i don't have much experience with movie viewing at/on the embarcadero. in fact, you might say that i am practically a virgin in the embarcadero movie viewing area. (well except for that disastrous last date, but whatever).

so we decided to see D.E.B.S. instead. it was cute! and fun! and adrianna and i laughed so loud that we made the people in front of us move away. i LOVE that! i didn't know it was a lesbian flick tho, and then was creeped out by the only two men in the theatre who were 1) attending alone and 2) sitting far away from anyone else and 3) one of them even had his backpack on his lap...eeew!

right now i am eating meatballs.

afterwards we went to the zeitgeist for a beer or two and chatted about lots of stuff. my unhappiness at my job and trying to reconcile whether a free degree is worth have my life energy sucked out of me. adrianna's job at the AIDS hospice. she taught me lots of stuff about feeding tubes and how most people don't know that they are painful and cause infections and that keeping someone on a feeding tube for 15 years is the same as starving them (hi. terri schiavo) as our bodies are looking to ingest and digest food the natural way and not thru a plastic tube stuck in your gut, the body still looks for food the old fashioned way and is not sated if its not going in your mouth. ( i think i got that right).

i tried to articulate my thoughts of why european men are better in bed than american men. (actually i tried to do this with misty the other day and failed miserably) but my theory is that europeans 1) have several 1,000's of years of evolution on their side...oh do you know what? i think my theory only applied to irish men. ok. THIS theory is that because of the whole catholic church guilt thing, that irish men had to try doubly hard to get irish women in the premarital sack, so their lovemaking skills evolved over time and they learned some really great things to entice the women and keep them interested. sighhh.

hi. what?

--->(i may have jsut offended an entire country.)

so yeah, i just ate a peanut butter egg. (last one, e.)

speaking of european men. i have been chatting to a very nice one the last few days. can you believe? even after i lawnmowered him to death he still wants to talk to me? oh that's right, he's NOT a wussie SF guy (and presumably he's not reading this blog). luckily, he came to me at a time when i needed a pleasant diversion from office politics. work is not good, people, and he is keeping my mind off of my situation. uh love that!

tomorrow=poignancy

(stealing from misty AND because it can no longer be avoided) number of leprechaun hats i saw at zeitgeist: 2... and one was on a girl.

not a good day in hezville

first of all i was soooo tired from being out late last night that i skipped the gym and then was a zombie for the whole day. i mean a fat zombie.

then i IM'd with mom, which resulted in an email to my best east coast friend karen with the subject line "i hate my mom." which made karen respond, NOW what did she say to you?!?! and i was highly irritated the entire rest of the day. tip for mom: i don't need solutions to my problems, i just need my feelings validated.

then i had therapy and cried my eyes out for 45 minutes.

then i quick ran home to get my book for class, which i forgot and shoulda had with me because a) i had to READ chapter two and b) write a paper on it that is due tonight (oops! had two weeks to do it!)

then i got a burrito for dinner. note to self: "super" in burrito world does NOT mean larger, it means it has all the good stuff. sigh.

went to class and was totally grumpy and felt self-conscious because we are being graded on class participation and i haven't talked in weeks because a) i just go the book and b) i haven't started reading it yet.

then i went to sadie's to apply for a bar opening that they have and they are killing me. i stopped in yesterday and asked for the owner and was told she is hardly there come back later tonight and speak to the other owner after 9pm. i had DFA79. so i went back after class tonight and was told to come back tomorrow at 4pm. i better get this job!

i am just emotionally drained and fighting off this cold and am tired and TAR7 is TWO HOURS tonight and i HAVE to watch it (i LOVE the brothers!). and my tummy hurts and i'm fat and i don't know what to wear tomorrow and wahwahwah!

i promise tomorrow i'll be happier and more insightful and reflective. now i am gonna eat peanut butter eggs. yay!

dear death from above 1979, i love you

let me start by sharing a bumper sticker i saw on my way home from the independant tonight:

george w. bush is a punk-ass chump

how much do i love that?

ok, so, the independant: controller controller and death from above 1979 ( i missed the opening opener). controller controller, yeah, not so much. i really love them when dj ted (www.bagelradio.com) plays them on his show, but tonight all there songs sounded like one long, neverending song. there was also something very screechy about their guitars. here's what did impress me tho, the bassist. or rather the fact that the bass was the main instrument and WAS the melody. the two guitars were just background music. THAT was very interesting, which leads me to believe that the bassist is the main song writer. they were also a very good opener for DFA79 because DFA79 is ALL ABOUT THE BASS.

for those who don't know, death from above 1979 is just two guys. a drummer who sings and is very reminiscent of a combination of geoff tate (queensryche) and bruce dickenson (iron maiden), with some DRI/Metal Church thrown in for good measure, and a bass player who also rocks the keyboard (and who i was also very hot for...there is just something about the tall, well proportioned guitar player...dj ted took photos so as soon as he gets them up i'll link, but for now here's one from their website -- hot). the bassist plays his bass like a GUITAR. that's in caps because it sounds like a giant guitar. its just those two and their sound is so huge. i can't get over it. the best part of the whole show is when the drummer walked out and he is wearing a white muscle tank and dark sweatpants tucked into white socks. he grabs a bottle of water, stands behind his drum kit (which was in the front of the stage and sideways so that his left side was facing the audience) and he takes a swig, throws the bottle down and hops behind the drums and starts rocking. AWESOME. my theory on DFA79 is that they are probably from a small midwestern town and they have been doing this in their basement for like the last ten years. oh they're from toronto. anyways, i am in love with them, and am very proud that in BSSB i was playing my bass like a guitar. see? i'm a rockstar.

before the show misty, D. and i went to dinner in japantown. i feel like i am getting sick again and all i wanted was asian noodle soup. i don't think i am gonna go to the gym tomorrow morning. i am hitting the airborne hard because there is no way i am getting sick again. after the show, misty and i ran into willo and jem. they are 2/4 of our new band! yeah i had more here about all of us being sick, but for some reason, when i just tried to add that link to our band shot it deleted my last paragraph. uh. yeah, we were all sick. heh.

am i supposed to be working today?

...co's i'm not. i say that everyday tho.

yesterday was soooo low key in my hungover state that it might as well have not have happened.

except for Fresh Jesus. the ham was soooo yummy. and all the desserts.

except for the season finale of Carnivale. it was simultaneously exciting and irritating.

except for the me learning "bringin' on the heartbreak" on my bass. awww yeah!

i've been meaning to discuss this, but keep forgetting. why is it...that my iPod has like 1,000 songs on it right now and it keeps playing the same friggin' 8 bands. how many times can i fast forward radio head before it gets the point!?! currently iPod is stuck on these bands:

truth hurts
radio head
foo fighters
esthero
temple of the dog
american music club
jurassic 5

i love all these bands, but that is all iPod is playing. and in between is the rare gem of say, kid rock or propellerheads. i might want to add that i'm talking music for gym motivation here. i LOVELOVELOVE AMC, but i can't bust an eliptical trainer move to them. they're more like a cooldown band. get it?

oh! since so much went on this weekend, i forgot to talk about my thursday night out with Ory and my MFH#1 (myfuturehusband#1). he brought his girlfriend and ory and i figured out that she tagged along because he told her that he was going out for drinks with two GIRLS from class and she got all clingy. she was really nice, even tho she was sooo insecure and welll, MFH#1 is just a clueless guy. ory designs and makes jewelry and the GF (so bad but i don't remember her name!) was like, oh do you design engagement rings? and ory was like, no. and then the GF was just left hanging. MFH#1 was all, beer! dontcha think that if they were actually getting engaged MFH#1 might have backed her up on that? just a thought. i decided tho, that he is no longer in the running for MFH. over it.

tonight i am going to see death from above 1979 at the independant. honest to god. i keep forgetting i have that show. i've had to remind myself like, 8 times. and i feel like i am getting sick again. that'll be, what? the 8th time this season? nice. i have to go out at lunch and pick up some airborne. i am SO NOT getting sick again.

ok boring post.

decorating my cookies

i'm no longer allowed to drink anymore. this is just silly. i just can't take the hangover the next day, and the fact that i went to bed at 3am and i'm up at 9am. hi. what?

i went to see the ex-boyfriends last night at the hemlock and they were sooooo good. i love when bands make me happy and want to jump around. i had a mini-crush on their bass player last night. i don't know what THAT was about other than he did this. i LOVE the rockstar stance and he would do that all.the.time. and then he would push his glasses up. hee! (oh, that's the guy in the red shirt. and thanks to ted www.bagelradio.com for the pic!) of course now it just took me like an hour to find the photo and upload it to my website that i forgot what i was gonna talk about.

let's talk about how i made the biggest impulse purchase on friday. i bought i an iTrip for my iPod when 1) i already have an external jack on my car stereo to plug it in to. 2) my car stereo got stolen a month ago and 3) my dad is getting me the bose docking station for my birthday and therefor won't NEED the iTrip at home (i'm using it on my boombox right now!) my rationale is, i am going to florida in 9 days and will have to drive a rental for like an hour and a half from the airport to the g-rents house and need tunes! which is also one of the reasons why i bought the car charger too. before friday, i hardly even used my iPod at home since i don't have a stereo and i use a laptop and rarely have it plugged in to external speakers. plus the packaging was pretty. fuckers! (while we're here...let's just reflect for a moment on what a dumb design THIS is. it makes me wanna throw up...its a CUP HOLDER).

ok so the rock show. jojo (our prom queen) was there. i love him. shane came by, d., and that hottie dom, from we are invisible. he's a german boy and at the prom i chatted him up in german. so last night when he came in, jojo and i were falling all over each other to get to him. i think we had a feeling that he was straight (omg how horrible is it that a girl has to figure that shit out in this town!?!? hahahha) so at that point jojo, godblesshim, became my wing man. as we stood next to dom and jennifer, jojo says to dom that he talked to me in german at the prom. dom feigned faulty memory, then again, i was dressed like nancy from heart. but then he remembered where i lived while i was in germany and suddenly his memory became better. i think tho, and i've been thinking about this all morning, that when i went up to him last night i said, wie bisst du, nah? which does mean how are you in german, but its using the wrong version of "are" in how are you? that version "bisst" is usually paired with "wo" which means "where" in "where are you?" so technically, i said how are you, but really it was something like, where am you? or something equally as retarded.

so jojo. wing man. once again, later in the evening we found ourselves standing near dom and jojo pointed out the we are in visible pins that dom was wearing. which were on dom. which means that he had to make a point of involving dom. which means dom then got to stand next to me. hee. dom liked "the band whose name i can't remember"and then, for my benefit yelled a "jawohl!" (which is like woohoo! in german) and turned back to grin at me to which i responded by giving him THE LAWNMOWER. ugh! i immediately turned to jojo and said, omg i just did the fucking lawnmower. jojo was all, I KNOW! for those who don't know, my best east coast friend, karen, and i named that movement you do to touch a guy when you have no other reason to touch him and you kinda take your hand and swipe it down his arm, starting at the top near the shoulder and continuing on to any point below his elbow, the lawnmower. i was horrified. i had to leave so jojo and i went to the outer hemlock.

and guess who came out in a minute? DOM. we chatted some out by the bar and then went back inside to hear 20 minute loop. i had heard how they were good, but i have to say, hello? 20 minute boring. i'll give them a second chance at a later date. i then wanted some water and told dom i would be back and there was jojo standing right there and said, "i saw that." he saw me give the weedwack, which is an abbreviated version of the lawnmower. when you kinda just squeeze at any point on the arm, but usually on the shoulder. again. horrified.

while waiting for beer number 3 (OMG i just remembered misty made me do a shot of frenet...damn! that was like, stealth shot!) i saw my friends sheryl and christina who i haven't seen in ages! i love them. i don't hang out with them enough. they are so nice, genuinely nice, and open and accepting. i think i was talking to them for a while because dom came by to say goodbye. uh yeah. that would be him looking for me in the crowd to say goodbye. love him! and right at that moment some weird, very forward indian guy suddenly started to hang all over me in a very unwarranted kind of way and i mouthed to dom to SAVE ME! and he did. yay! he said he hopes to "see me again." boys. hello? i have a phone.

back with sheryl and christina, shane came by and he told me that misty and ted left. sadness. then i gave shane a ride home.

you know, my whole reasoning for getting up at 9am was that i could decorate my remaining cookies (hahaha, for some reason, right at this moment, that sounds like a metaphor for masturbation. bwahahah!) ok ahem, i could decorate my remaining bunny cookies for the Fresh Jesus Party today and then get back in bed and nap til i have to go. why aren't i doing that?

figured out the sidebar thing

yay!

hooooly thursday

how excited am i that its my friday and its 10:30am and i have yet to start ANY work and i get to leave in 3.5 hours and i have tomorrow off? really excited!

after "work" today i am going to my friend ory's house and she is gonna help me read this pattern for this bag i am making. for some reason, i can sew along just fine until it gets to the bit where you have to attach the lining to the outside and then i lose all conception of what acutally needs to happen. its like a giant puzzle that i can't solve. i think its those crappy illustrations they have on the instructions. the description will say, place the lining and the outside peices together, clip at top and sew. and then i look at the description and its a straight shot of the bag and i have no idea what they are trying to instruct me to do. anyways, the last time this happened i just made something up. but now i will get professional help! in a past life, ory used to work in the fashion industry and knows how to make patterns.

after that we are going to a very yummy restaurant called absinthe for a light bar dinner and a cocktail. we've invited one of our classmates to join us (we're all in night school), who incidentally i have a crush on and will probably marry after we graduate...he doesn't know that yet.

the super lotto was up to 42 million last night so i played. then i forgot all about it and when i got into work, was really excited to see if i won. i love that. i really think that one day, my numbers will come in. so incidentally, last night while i was trying to fall asleep (eventho i was dozing on my couch) . then when i finally got into bed started to think about "you know who" and how its not working out the way i want it to and i started to get all anxious-y and had to win the lottery to get to sleep.

winning the lottery is this trick i learned from my best east coast friend, karen. so i win the 42 million and have to figure out what my take home will be after taxes and how i will get to spend it. so really, by the time i have bought a house, paid off my mom and dad's houses, my grandparents new construction, bought a house for other g-rents, paid off my cousins new house, paid off my car, credit cards etc i'm usually fast asleep. moral: math makes you sleepy AND takes you're mind off of boys....i've been winning the lottery a lot these days.

speaking of boyfriends, i've lost one. his name was Amex and he called me several times a day. he called me in the morning while i was on my way to work. he called me once i got to work. he called me around lunchtime, and then he called me twice after work. sometimes he left a message that said his call was very important and would i please call him back right away? i always, ignored his calls because i was playing hard to get. sometimes he called from his other office to try and trick me because it was a number i didn't recognize, but i'm smarter than that! oh Amex, i really loved him but he was a little clingy. i haven't heard from him this week. has he given up on me?

i love this blogger http://linatalkstoomuch.blogspot.com/ she makes me laugh and think. and until i can figure out how to showcase her blog on the right side of mine, i thought i'd just give you the link. she said something in her blog of today, it was a quote from a movie she watched last night and it was this:

"When will you finally realize that the girl of your dreams, is not the girl in your heart?"

i've been trying to understand what that means. does that mean that we've all built up the perfect mate in our heart and that we are blind to what we do have in front of us because we just comparecomparecompare? gosh i hope not.

working at a catholic/jesuit institution pays off!

i'm so out of the loop but was very excited to find out that not only do we get to leave work early tomorrow because its holy thursday, but we have friday off because its good friday. yay for me!

i just found this funny in an "omg ugh" kinda way

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/dating-advice_humor

so what is going on? my life sucks par usual (say that with a french accent).

this morning while i was on the elipitcal machine or in the shower or something i was trying to figure out what to do about cliff. do i take the do nothing? route or do i (according to the you-snooze-you-lose article above) validate his attempt at seeking me out. while i'm processing this, i keep thinking about how i was telling him that i know someone who knows someone who works for Adobe and can get me full-on photoshop for like $60 (MSRP $600). and as he is sitting there, across the table from me, eating thai food, after a month of not hearing from him, he says: yeah i can get you that too. in such a way that implies, dude, why aren't you asking me? sigh. what's a girl to do?

my life sucks might be kinda harsh. how about settling? evolving? improving? let's try that again:

so what is going on? my life is settling par usual (say that with a french accent).

so what is going on? my life is evolving par usual (say that with a french accent).

so what is going on? my life is improving par usual (say that with a french accent).

heh.

so the ITS Boy At My Work did infact, get my wireless router working. seems i know "just enough" to totally mess things up. thank god for that handy reset button.

how awesome would it be to have a reset button for life? there are SO MANY possiblities and scenarios especially when you apply its use to hair styles.

wooo. big staff meeting today. wooo. (say that with a dying of boredom accent).

tuesdays

lately, on tuesdays, i'm really sad. i 'm thinking its because i have therapy on tuesdays and knowing that kinda gives me permission to be all weepy, or whatever, and the rest of the week i can kinda keep it together because i don't have that outlet? i have no idea. did someone say outlet? i need to go shopping.

i would really like a new couch. right now i have a futon which just embarrasses me beyond belief. i'm 34 fercrissakes, futons should not be in my life anymore. however, i haven't owned a couch since 2001 when i moved in with my best friend paulie. then, when i left his place, the apartment i had was not conducive to a couch. gosh, i miss that place. but now i have the space for one again and i am looking at this one at ikea. helloooo corner sofa. well gee, i wanted it in this nice brick red they had, even tho after i saw it in white in the ikea showroom i thereafter envisioned it in white in my living room (a white couch would be a big mistake). well, it seems that they don't have it in red anymore. poop.

today after work i am picking up Curt The ITS Boy at my work and he's gonna help me figure out my new wireless router. I can't, for the life of me, get this thing to work. alls i wanna do is connect it to my cable modem so i can use my laptop around my house...like wireless...but the 'structions act like i'm connecting an entire network of computers to the router via one computer that is ethernetted to the router. well that ain't what i got. i can't stand when the directions are all super simple and then you follow everything and then inevitably there is a step that says, click this option under this menu and nowhere on your computer screen is there anything that slightly resembles what is in the booklet. i LOVE that! hahahaha. so, curt is coming over for like, $20. there's my rebate right there. i hope HE can get it to work.

even tho i have an evening of heavy tv viewing: TAR 7, Idol, Starting Over (yay TiVo!) i plan on finishing this tote bag that i started last night. its really easy eventho sewing the bottom on the friggin' thing was near conniption inducing. i got to listen to shudder to think and sing and sew. huh, i was just looking at the website and realizing that they probably broke up. i love nathan, he's hott. (yeah not THAT nathan...i never thought "i love nathan"would ever come out of my mouth again). i love swarthy, guitar boys. hee!

wonder woman

my friend jess was in town this past week from "boston." she's not actually in boston any more, but rather northhampton living as a college student at smith. gosh i miss that gal. she is so amazing and wonderful and just, well, awesome.

it's funny because, many years ago, we used to work at bose corp in this piddly little department they had called express music. it was bose's attempt at selling cd's and cassettes (this was the early 90's, yo!) to their acoustic wave and cd player customers. our claim to fame was we could get ANY piece of music as long as it was still in print. anyways, i worked in customer service and jess was a buyer and ne'er the two shall meet. suffice to say, we didn't really know each other when working there.

after we both left and went our seperate ways, we would run into each other at rockshows around town and then somehow we became friends. then later we were in a writing group and then we even drove across country together!

she is so smart and accepting and fun and hip and (did i mention?) smart. it was really nice to hang out with her and talk girl talk with someone who's known me since 1991 (eegads!) and in my various incantations, until now. she always has a great perspective on life, or my life anyway, and really makes me think about things. if it wasn't for her i'd be making a bigger fool of myself all over the place.

i was sad to see her go back to the east coast, but got to spend 3 glorious evenings with her at yummy restaurants (and well one evening at doc's clock that i won't mention partly because i don't remember it). apparently we got a great photo in front of the giant buddha on 22nd. yeah, don't remember that. dumb tequila.