Controversially Funny

Let's start with something funny. This was posted in the Daily Dish at www.sfgate.com today:

Manson Woos Von Teese with Cupcakes
Shock rocker Marilyn Manson surprised his new wife, Dita Von Teese, on Valentine's Day by baking her a selection of cupcakes.

Burlesque dancer Von Teese insists the singer is nothing like his dark image suggests, and that he often likes to woo her with romantic treats.

Von Teese, who wed Manson in December, says, "He really is a cutie. For Valentine's Day we baked each other cupcakes with baby blue icing."

And then a reader left a comment that said: "...made of real BABIES."

Hahahahaha. That made me laugh.

Now here is my big controversial subject: Men who want to have sex with underage kids. I feel grossed out just typing that and I, in no way, condone this, however, I was watching Dateline's "To Catch a Predator" show last night.

So, what they do is, a member of Perverted Justice poses as a 12 or 13 year old boy or girl in chat rooms and they wait until a man starts chatting with them in a sexually charged way. The PJ peep doesn't make any first contact or provoke the conversation. They just wait. Inevitably, the sex talk happens and the PJ peep will then say, hey my parents are out of town this weekend do you want to come over.

Amazingly, 50 out of 51 men who made contact with this supposed 12 or 13 year old boy or girl online, showed up at the house. Men from all socio-economic and ethnic backgrounds.

Once inside the house, they were baited by that same PJ worker who can either pass for a 12 or 13 year old boy or girl. She would say, "hey I have to brush my teeth, hang out in the kitchen" and then men who only caught a brief glance of her (as boy or girl) obliged and waited. And then the Dateline guy comes out and confronts them!

Here is my issue. The Dateline guy was asking these questions like: what are you doing here? and you came to have sex with an underage child!?! You should know better and you should know that this is wrong.

I don't know if I can clearly express myself here, but I generally think that MOST of these men are mentally disabled in a way that makes them attracted to young kids. That they are somehow emotionally arrested at their own pre-teen mental level and that is what attracts them to kids, because in their brain they never sexually advanced to adult level. They identify sexually with that age group. Weird, to think of it that way. They know that it's wrong. They know that they shouldn't be there.

I don't really have compassion for these men, but I do think that to be humiliated on national television is not going to fix them or "shake" them of their issues. Although, the whole looking for underage kids in chatrooms kinda blows my argument. So I don't know what to say about that. I just feel that exposing these men on Dateline isn't really gonna help them, though I am not sure if that is the goal. To help them.

For the record, Perverted Justice invited the police and they arrested all 50 men who showed up.

My other thing is, I was kinda bummed out how Myspace was portrayed on Dateline, as a kind of free for all place for predators to utilize. I was also kinda irritated that these 12 and 13 year olds were CHATTING with these men. I mean, when I was 13 if some older guy made an appropriate ANYTHING to me I didn't stand for it. What are these kids thinking?

More Eye Stuff

You know what's weird? Going through the last decade thinking that you were seeing stuff and then learning that you really weren't.

It sounds strange, but for a very long time my glasses perscription was never right. The long story is that I believe there is an eyewear conspiracy. That Optometrists are in cahoots with eyewear/lens companies because the Optometrists never tell you that there is such a thing as Vision Therapy (exercises you can do to strengthen your eye muscles therefore reducing your dependancy on perscription lenses and ultimately frames).

Lots of people pshaw vision therapy, especially your eye doctor, and claim that there isn't any clinical proof that vision therapy is effective. That said, I used to do vision therapy. While working at Harvard I had the opportunity to meet Antonia Orfield who was offering VT at their University Health Services. I saw her once a week for about a year and in that time I was able to reduce my perscription twice because my eyesight improved! A requirement, though, is to always wear a perscription that is less than you need in order to make the eyes work harder. Sounds kinda weird but the idea is to not help your eyes along with a stronger perscription because your eyes will rely on it and get lazy. VT ain't cheap and most of the eye exercises you can do on your own at home. With me, I needed to be accountable to someone and I was really lazy, so going once a week to the doctor kept me on track, and luckily, the fee was reduced because I was a Harvard employee.

Then I moved here. There is only one certified vision therapist in all of the Bay area and he charged $100 a visit. I started to see him and then it just got too much. Then I stopped doing the exercises at home and my eyes gradually went back to what they were. I was reluctant to increase my perscription because of my conspiracy theory belief and because I didn't want to be fully dependant on my glasses. I didn't start wearing glasses until I was 22 and then I only needed them for distance. I could manage around my house without them and I didn't own a car so did not have to worry about seeing while driving. As I got older, I needed my glasses more and more until I was wearing them all the time.

Wearing glasses just got to be such a hassle! I never wanted to wear contacts because they freak me out. And by the end of the day my glasses felt like 5 tons of bricks on my face. Hahaha. VT works, but its very time consuming and takes a while to see results and you probalby have to do it the rest of your life. That is why I opted for Lasik. Ironincally, I now think there is a VT conspiracy among Lasik doctors. When I was shopping around one of them vehemently denied that VT actually works. Well of course he does because it effects his job...jerk. (I didn't get my surgery done by him).

So, that was my uber long story to explain why, even though I wore glasses, that I still had a hard time seeing. But now, wow! I can see so far into the distance that its amazing. On my dirve to work this morning I saw so many things that I had never seen before. Like the San Mateo bridge! There is that point on 280 when you are zooming past SFO that the bay and bridge are visible. It was so beautiful with the sun glistening off the water. Here's something else amazing. I never realized how much I was missing. I have been continually surprised when I SEE people's faces in their cars. Or on the street! That sounds so stupid, but before I could never see their faces clearly and I never knew it. In fact, I thought I could see my own face clearly but the other day while I was blowdrying my hair in the mirror I was shocked at how clear it was.

Here's my philosophical moment. As I was driving to work and seeing all this stuff for the first time off in the distance, I wondered how often I had only been seeing things in my 6 foot radius and not seeing the full picture (so to speak) of it all. Dr. Orfield told me that over time people tend to focus on this small distance in front of them in their lives. Especially when walking or driving. Just seeing what you need to see but not seeing everything. It made me kind of melancholy and a little anxious. I have all this stuff I need to see now and I here I was, driving to a job that I'm not really happy in, where I am going to be cooped up all day in a cube. Just the thought of that, doing something because I need to and not because I want to really got me down, but at the same time, I feel so hopeful about how I might approach the future.

And you know I can't resist the opportunity to tie classic rock into this, I was listening to Boston on the way in and realilzed that I just love them so much. That, yet again, I am really hearing the music and lyrics for the first time (like I did with Triumph) with new ears and hearing that this band is all about the positive word and how, when growing up, I never really understood that. That while loving Boston may make me ultra-cheesy, I don't really care because to me, I love what makes me happy and singing at the top of my lungs and blasting out air guitar solos in my car does just that.

In a perfect world...

...a great show like Lovemonkey wouldn't be cancelled. Then again, I think the only people who got the referrences in the show were Ted, Misty, Me, Willo and Ali. It was cancelled after only three episodes. I don't get it. Actually, I do get it. The show was just too smart, funny and musically interesting for it to survive anywhere in between New York and LA.

I can't believe I am still sick. Today was the first day that I actually felt good-ish and then within the last hour I started to get earaches. Crap. Consequently, I slept a lot this weekend. Although I am not sure if I can contribute that to not feeling well. I also think that my body was recovering from being traumatized on Friday. I literally slept 8-10 hour nights and then between 2-5 hours each day.

My eyes feel great tho! Its so amazing that I have had NO pain. Its like my eyes were never cut open and burned out with lasers! (i know, i keep saying that but its funny..and true!)

Today Ben got a new collar! He came home last week and his rundown purple one was missing.

I keep forgetting. On the day of my procedure, Misty and I actually saw a man wearing the mythical denim-on-denim outfit. Wooo!

And here is some weird guerilla pillow art!

Eagle Eye

Yesterday I had Lasik done!

I had wanted to get it last year and had even set up the appointment with Dr. Scott Hyver and then I got laid off and couldn't really justify the expense knowing I wouldn't be having a steady income.

Now that I have a job, and espcially since I am doing the triathlon in June, I wanted to get it done asap so I could get serious with my training and not have to worry about doig it all with glasses. Maybe some of you are asking, jeeze, I talk to Hez almost everyday and she never mentioned it. I decided not to tell people for a few reasons. When I was thinking of it last year and talked about it, a lot of the reactions were not exactly what I wanted to hear. Some decided it was an opportunity to tell me of their own fears and reservations about Lasik and honestly, I was already pretty freaked out about it and didn't want to hear this stuff. So, that's why I kept it under wraps.

Anyways, here is what happened. On Friday I worked a half day and came home and cleaned my house, got some dinner ready, set up my Bose docking station and ipod in my bedroom prompted to Howard Stern's second Sirius show (thanks Mario!) and waited for Misty to come and pick me up. I felt like I was preparing to be completely incapacitated for the whole weekend, but honestly I didn't know what would happen. I am so thankful that Misty cleared her schedule for me and could go with me to the doctors. It really helped with my nerves having her there. (and as she said, it was like, we were just hanging out having a good time relaxing on a cozy couch and then you got your eyes fixed in the middle of it!)

Misty and Hez in the waiting room

We arrived at the doctor's office at 3:30pm, I had to go through a series of tests to make sure that my eyes had no last minute changes. Then I sat on the couch with Misty and we chatted and laughed and had a really great time. Close to 5pm my name was called and I went in for my procedure. After putting booties on my shoes and a hair cap thingy on my head, I was told to lay down on this swivel table and numbing drops were put in my right eye while my left I was covered. As I was being swiveled under the laser I thought two things: 1) this won't be so bad -- I'll just keep my eyes closed...ohhh shit. and 2) I don't want to do this.

Dr. Hyver came in and talked through everything that he was doing to me. First, he tells you to always look at the light and to follow it when it moves. Then he taped my upper and lower eyelashes out of the way, then he put a speculum in to open my eye wider, I had more numbing drops, which is a weird feeling when you can't blink the eye drops out of the way, then I think he did some marking on my eye which was strange. You can tell something is probably touching your eye where you've never touched before but you can't feel anything. Then he placed something on my eye which isolates the eyeball so it doesn't move around and I felt pressure but it wasn't unbearable, my vision blacked out and came back. Then he says that the light will get brighter, and blurrier and then clear again. Then he says its time for the laser and I just have to keep looking at the light and follow it where ever it moves. I heard clicking, for maybe 5 seconds and then it was done! He removed the isolator thing (I think! I can't remember when that came off) He put in more drops, and then his assistant removed the patch on my left eye and put numbing drops in that eye, then the speculum came out and my eye air dried for a little bit. More drops, some suction and sponging to remove excess drops/tearing and then they pulled the tape off my eyelids (not as bad as it sounds) and covered the right eye and moved on to the left.

The left side was better and worse. Better because I knew what to expect and worse because the pressure feeling was more pronounced and because I realized the part where the light gets brighter and blurrier is where he is cutting and removing the flap! Eeeew! But then that side was over in seconds and I was sitting up and being led to the outer room where the opthamologist checked my eyes out. I could see but it was a bit blurry, I was lightheaded from laying slightly inverted and my eyes were tearing like crazy. The assistant was telling me what drops to do when for when I get home and I honestly have no idea what he told me. I was too discombobulated to focus. He then gave me some sunglasses and ushered me out to the lobby where Misty was standing ready to go with my bag and coat. I wanted to tell her all about it and was trying to but the funniest thing happened. My body was totally shutting down or something, and I started to involuntarily shiver and I couldn't focus on what I was saying.

On the drive home I couldn't really look straight ahead because if I needed to move my eyes it felt like something was in them. So I looked at my knees and was getting kinda car sick. Luckily its a short drive home and she dropped me off and I said, I can't hug you... I need to go. Hahaha. I got inside and tried to read the instruction paper (I couldn't read it in the car because the light reflecting off the white paper was almost unbearable), and inside it was much easier. I put antibiotic drops in my eyes and then an anti-inflammatory. Got my pj's on, put water by my bed and a Tylenol PM, turned on my ipod and put on my protective sleep goggles (so I don't rub my eyes while I sleep). I listened to two hours of Stern and at about 8pm I could feel some discomfort in my right eye and put in some lubricating drops, popped that Tylenol PM and passed out until 7am this morning.

When I woke up this morning, I could totally see! Its weird. Its like I never wore glasses. And hey! That tree in my backyard has flowers on it! And OMG! Look at all those cobwebs in my house! I have a feeling the first thing I am going to do is clean now that I can see everything so clearly.

My eyes are a little fatigued feeling and a little sore around the edges and feel like they are strainingand I have a slight "behind the eye" headache, but imagine this is mostly from that isolator suction thing and having something pressed down on my eyeball. I can see perfect in the distance but when I need to focus up close on something my vision is a little wonky. I also have a little haze in my periphery...kinda like my own personal soft focus. My eyes definitely dry out but I just put drops in. Now, typing for the last few minutes is making that happen faster.

Honestly, this is the best thing I ever did. When I went in for my check up this morning they told me I have 20/15 vision right now. It was not painful at all at any time, just weird. The dentist is ten times worse. Really.

I went to Doctor Hyver because 1) Willo and Mai went to him -- props to the 'lo for my referral discount, 2) he was the nicest doctor with the nicest staff/office out of the three I researched and 3) he was the cheapest. Although money should be no object when getting your eyes burned out with lasers, all three doctors used the same technique so I felt ok making this decision. You should also know that the price of this procedure is effected geographically. Meaning, we will pay top price for this in SF whereas my cousin is looking at the procedure in Buffalo and the cost is practically half of what I paid. Interesting, huh?

A Few Random Things

Today I received this email:
"It has come to our attention that this computer is in violation of the Citizen Behavior Agreement 44 Fed. Reg. 29375 (1972). Please discontinue computer use. Stay where you are and an officer from the Civil Conduct Keepers will advise you on how to proceed."

...oh if they only knew!

I decided to see how slutty I am (thanks Mai!) And apparently I am not very slutty at all! In fact I am negative slutty! -25.77% to be exact. And then something funny happened. I was all, I wanna be slutty too! So I typed in my other two names and was still very far from slutty. And then I was sad.

I've been watching the Olympics

Luckily, I have TiVo and can fast forward through the stupid stuff.

Here's something that dawned on me (besides the fact that the US mens's speedskating team members are HOT)...why is it that most athletes competing in the olympics are considered at the height of their athletic ability at SEVENTEEN. Or even TWENTY-ONE. You know what? That's messed up. Their bodies haven't even finished GROWING.

Something else that dawned on me..why is it that a male figure skater from France, Germany, Czech Republic, Russia, Belgium etc are all the epitome of masculinity but when their U.S. counterparts come out, they are so NOT masculine? Hi. Johnny Weir? A photo caption on NBC Olympics is: Johnny Weir, the diva arriving at the rink, "Weir makes like Jessica Simpson and flashes his Louis Vuitton bag." And the euro guys are all 'Grrrrr. I am skater! Ole!"

My Job

Have I mentioned that my work has uber-stupid rules? In fact, there is an official document, that I have yet to see, that actually bullet points things you cannot do while in the office. A few I have heard are:

*no cross talking
*no smelly food in public spaces

Cross talking means that when you are sitting in your cube you can't just talk to your neighbor in the next cube who probably shares a wall with you. You aren't allowed to just be like, "Hey, Nancy. How do I transfer a call again?" You either have to get up and go to their cube (because you're not allowed in unless they invite you) or pick up the phone and call them so that they can hear you twice, on the phone and in their cube because you sit RIGHT THERE.

The smelly food thing makes sense because once, at my old job, I totally snapped at a co-worker who cooked fish a bazillion times a week in the microwave only to take his cooked food from the kitchen into his office and close the door. What he wasn't aware of was that the kitchen was right next to where a co-worker and I sat so every fish day we would be gagging at the fish smell all over the office.

I've been noticing that mostly on Fridays people wear jeans here. I thought, is there a casual day on Friday and no one told me? This week I saw a renegade pair of jeans on Tuesday, which I think may have prompted an email from our HR lady to outline our office dress code. Basically, jeans aren't allowed. Neither are shorts, strapless tops, halter tops, tube tops, sweat pants and flip flops.

I've said this before, and I realize that the point of having a dress code is to appropriate a professional atmosphere, however, wearing slacks instead of jeans is not gonna make me any more productive. In fact, it sometimes makes me less productive. Even late for work because I have to stand around and figure out what to wear. And I don't know about you but, I think there is a huge difference between a chic, pair of crisp, dark wash denim jeans (paired with a blazer and heels) and a TUBE TOP.

That said, I showed up at work today in a long sleeve t-shirt, a pair of cargo pants and my pumas. Whoops. I'm probably getting fired.

Overheard in SF

I am sure there are a million sites like this about SF out there but I can't find one right now.

Overheard in SF

Guy #1: (in dress shirt with vest, leaning one handed against the wall) Yeah I play, like, mostly classic rock.
Guy #2: (long scraggly old man rock hair) Oh yeah?
Guy#1: Yeah and sometimes I do some R&B

Pho Hoa's Unite

On Saturday, Kid Kani and I entertained in our two passions. Pho and show. Metal show to be exact.

Our plan was to go to Pho Hoa Clement and as I was walking over there Kani called me to say we needed a plan B. PHC was closed...on a Saturday night...closed. Our second option was Pho Hoa Hiep, but remembered that it was waaaay down Clement. We looked across the street and saw *some place I can't remember* and said, sure! Bring on the pho!

Kani with Pho

Post pho, we walked down to Green Apple and magazine shopped then hopped into the car and drove down to Slim's for Hightower, Parchman Farm and Drunk Horse.

This bill was pretty well matched. All three bands had a similar 70's metal Black Sabbath via BTO sound. Kani had given me Drunk Horse and it rolls around my ipod every once in a while and I like it! Parchman Farm gets played by Bagel Ted and I like it! (even though I had been informed that the singer is the arch enemy of Metal Scott Campbell.) Hightower I had ever heard before and I LOVED them and yet they were a JAM BAND. Misty, a JAM band. They had limited vocals and were mostly instrumental, BUT their extreme metalness cancelled out their jam-band-ness. Who knew? When Parchman Farm came on, I liked them too, but generally felt that there are other bands who do this same thing and maybe better. Plus, its almost like this is a 70's LA metal trucker rock thing happening right now. Lots of long haired, denim wearing, moustache sporting, boot wearing men. Awww Yeah! Kani was merzmerized by the extreme boobness of the guitarist.

Anyways, just when I was all hmmm, Parchman Farm sound generic, then Drunk Horse came on and sounded even more generic live. I mean, I dig them on the ipod. Live? I was all, eh.

Midnight rolled around and training called so Kani and I left and rocked out to Foreigner on the way home, complete with air guitar, voice guitar and screaming vocals at the top of our lungs.

Really bad photos here.

Some Guy

Ok so, I got this email from an email list, at the large university that I work at, about a residency happening with this guy.

I think the description of him is funny because I dont know who he is.

"...by acclaimed indie-rocker, bohemian philosopher, Sundance documentary creator, and now musical theater writer, Stew." (they italicized Stew all on thier own)

Its just, like, some guy named Stew. It's not that I didn't know who he was, neither did the people in my mini poll who are atuned to acclaimed indie-rockers and Sundance submitting filmmakers.

I mean, if you say acclaimed indie-rocker who dabbles in lots of stuff, I don't think some guy named Stew. I think Ben Lee.

Interestingly enough, when I Google Stew, the first three websites are:

Stew/The Negro Problem
FilmStew
Spiritual Stew

Now Stew's fan is gonna send me hate mail.

This just kills me.

I am sure most of you have seen this blog before, but I need to make you look at it again. Everytime I look at it, it just cracks me up and I have to sit in my noise patroled work environment, silently snickering to myself.

My Brain is Melting

Dude, statistics SUX!

I was really, really excited to take a statistics class 1) because I was tired of having to deal with nebulous theories of why coporations and the people in them are messed up, 2)because there was never a right answer, its was all interpretive and 3) I like reading case studies.

Sadly, I got to chapter 7 in my book -- the chapter that introduces formulas for finding out silly things like what's the lowest IQ you need to have to get into Mensa -- and I totaly just fell apart. Or, more accurately, my brain was riding along nicely and then someone pulled the parking break and the transmission fell out.

HAHAHAHA! I have no idea what is going on. It makes me laugh tho, because I really, really want to understand and to get this, but I am just lacking something in my thought process that allows me to understand math. It's so difficult that I can't even comprehend it. Some of you may be scoffing, I'm sure, but let's just say...the last algebra/math class I took was freshman year of highschool. I went to two classes and realized I was fucked and then skipped the rest of the year.

Last night was infinitely harder for me to focus because for the last few days I have had a mild headache. I might even go as far to say that its a "lack of" caffeine headache, which has me perplexed. I don't drink caffeinated coffee and I have been able to get my diet coke consumption down miraculously low. Like one a week. Though, in the last 3-5 days I have had one a day. Can I be addicted ALREADY!?!? What was also interesting is, as soon as I ate something the headache subsided. Consequently, I chowed down all. day. long. And then it came right back.

Biggest Mistake Ever: Buying a 3lb bag of peanut M&M's at Costco. WHAT? was I thinking?!?

By then end of class my brain was melting and my eyeballs were ready to fall out.

Did I mention I was training?